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Jan 20

Happily Ever After - Myths of Marriage

Posted by admin2  filed under Marriage   1 Comment(s)    Add a Comment  comment-icon.png

Why is teaching on marriage so important in the church?

    1 - Society has changed what we believe and has convinced us that what it believes is true!

    2 - People set an expectation in their mind of what marriage will be like before they are even married!


How many people are actually “Happily ever after?”


There are a lot of myths when it comes to marriage - 

    Myths that create expectations that are only one sided and usually stem from a selfish root.

    Because of myths in marriage the 21 Century couple usually find it futile to even get involved in marriage and settle to live outside the blessing of God and just hook up or shack up together.


Let’s debunk a few myths of marriage:


1 - “The Past is the Past”


    WRONG!! Remnants of all the dating, sexual activity, and other relationships will surface within your marriage.

    Maybe not in a tangible way where you can see and touch but they will show up in your life because they are what formed your world view and are a part of who you are.


The past is pesky! If you have been married for sometime now you know that the past has a way of coming back to visit you.


If you are not married, you may not get what I am saying but I want to provide you with a glimpse of what marriage is like.

    You may think that what you are doing now is just for now, it only effects now and that when you get married everything becomes new and you get a fresh start.

“Your present will someday become your past and your past will eventually show up in your future.”


Yes - Your past has been forgiven and you are covered by the Grace of God. 

Here is the warning to all non married folks, Make decisions today that when your present becomes your past it does not haunt your future.


Myth 2

2 - People who are married have marriage problems!




Reality - Married people do not have marriage problems; people who have problems get married.


Marriage is a perfect institution until people get involved!


You may not even know you have problems until you get married. Marriage has a way of bring to the surface what was in you.

    You will think it is the other person, or a marriage problem, but if you dig deep enough you will find that it is a single person problem.


Marriage is the combination of 2 people with their own problems joining together.


A fallen, sinful person joining together with another fallen sinful person living in a fallen sinful world.



3 - If I marry the right person, everything will be alright!




This is where I hear things like: We have Chemistry! We complete each other! We are ying and Yang 


    And these ideas are justified: 

        We can talk for hours!

        We are always on each others mind

        He gave me a ring

        She’s wearing my sweater


People like this have convinced themselves they are in love because “No one has ever loved like this before”


Let me tell you why this is a false hope and idea!

When life happens and that “Happily Ever After” couple is rudely awaken to the reality that they are not perfect and that their loved one is not perfect - When problems start to happen!

        “Love” is replaced with suffering.

                            - Chemistry Suffers

                            - Fun Factor Suffers

                            - Communication Suffers

It is at this point you need practical tools/ways to strengthen your marriage! NOT Chemistry! Chemistry - Blows up!


When suffering happens people do not look for a tool to fix it they look for a quick way to rejuvenate the Chemistry! Because that is what convinced them they were in love in the first place.


    Then one or both of the couples find someone else that has that chemistry they use to look for in their spouse.

    Love is not built on Chemistry

    Marriage is not built on Chemistry


Maybe you don’t cross the line of cheating but you do entertain the thought of whether or not you married the wrong person.”


Do you stick it out? Or end the marriage and go find someone else! The right person!!


For those of you who are wrestling with this question, “Did I marry the right person or not”.


You married the wrong person!


The “right” person DOES NOT exist!


The RIGHT Person is a fairy tale. Having the right person means that you will be married and no problems will exist in your marriage. 


If you found the right person then you are saying that you too are right and that means neither of you are in need of change, thereby stating that you are the perfect couple and God has no room in your lives. In essence you are the Christ! 


What does the Bible say about all this?

Does not speak about the right marriage  as a matter of fact it speaks pretty loudly about not being right.


  • For all have sinned - which includes the right person you married and the person who married the right person.


Bible tells me that whoever I marry they:

  • imperfect
  • have issues
  • is a sinner
  • is selfish
  • falls short of the Glory of God

I read this about my wife and my wife reads this about me!

We are two sinners trying to live a Godly life in a sinful world.


The Bible does talk a lot about becoming the Right person!


Ephesians 5:21-33


Paul is writing to husbands and wives. Starts off in verse 21 speaking to both.


Marriage is a mutual submission - this is a very vulnerable way to live. Placing your spouses needs over your own.


9 out of 10 marriage problems stems from an impasse. “I give and give but they don’t give anything.”


In essence what they are saying is that they have lost trust in their marriage and now have a “if than” marriage!

The only way to live a very vulnerable life is to live in an active, thriving lifestyle with Jesus Christ.


Jesus Christ died, put our needs over his. We do not always show him the love and honor and respect he is due - so why should we expect to receive it from the selfish sinner we married. (this is not a pass to act this way either)


Let’s address the husbands first!


Ephesians 5:25-29

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 

27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. 

He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—


As Christ loved the church

1 - Lays down his life

        Go back to last weeks message of denying yourself!

This means you do not hold anything back.

  • Money
  • Emotions
  • Time
  • Life

        Lay it all down!


2 - Caring Nurture - Next week we will look at 1 Corth. 13

    Paul talks about this idea of caring/nurturing - Love is:




It is NOT to edify yourself but your spouse.


Next let’s look at what Paul tells the wives.


Ephesians 5:22-24

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.


Verse 22 is probably the most misused verse in the the Bible when it comes to marriage.


Paul is not introducing submission

    He is redefining it!

Women in Paul’s day were expected to submit. They were considered property in a family. 


Paul is telling us that God did not intend for this to be the meaning of submission.


Look at verse 21

 21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.


Submitting to each other is creating oneness!


The secret to a long marriage

Ephesians 5:33

33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.


A wife shows her husband she loves him by respecting him and a husband shows his wife he loves her by showing her love. 

We cannot mix these two up otherwise the marriage becomes off tilt.


How do you view marriage?


How has Ephesians 5 changed or challenged your view on marriage?


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