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Feb 08

Happily Ever After - Remodel your Marriage

Posted by admin2  filed under Modeling Marriages   0 Comment(s)    Add a Comment  comment-icon.png

This week concludes our 4 week series on marriage and we are going to look at Remodeling our Marriage.


Let’s start this with a question to ponder!!! 


Is it possible for 2 people to get married and stay in love for the long haul? 

Is it possible or is it only for a select few special people out there or maybe it is just a far fetched idea that does not represent the 21st century model?!

Here’s a thought - In our culture, where 50% of marriages end in divorce, most people still believe that it is possible to fall in love and get married and live it out until “Death do we part”.

People still actually believe this even if they have said it to multiple people!


Why? Why do they hold to the belief that it is possible for 2 people to get married and stay in love for the long haul?

Because that is how God has wired us.

    It is evidence the fingerprint of God. 

People long for the experience of enduring love!

So, if this is true, then explain to me why the experience of enduring love does not happen as often as it should?

I will tell you why—-> Because most people model their marriages after insufficient models.

They take their cues for a real marriage from sources such as: TV, Movies, their parents, Grand parents or maybe from some couple that they admire.


REALITY - Some of those may not be bad models but ALL are insufficient if you want to experience enduring love!


According to the Bible the only sufficient model for a true marriage, a marriage that experiences enduring love, is Jesus Christ.


When it comes to love and marriage we should not take our primary cues from sources such as TV, Movies, their parents, Grand parents or from an admirable couple.

We should take our primary cues from Jesus Christ.

Jesus models the perfection of enduring Love!


If people are going to fall in love and get married then it is imperative that they take their cues from Christ.


The Bible does not say a whole lot about marriage in general. I has a lot of do’s and don’ts but on a whole it is not real load about marriage specifically. 

BUT, the Bible is full hearted on relationships.


Jesus says you can take everything in the Bible and sum it up - Love God and Love Others!

Jesus says Love others as I have loved you. 

What if we loved our spouse like Jesus loved us?


Phil. 2:3-4

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.


Let me sum up verse 3 - Treat your spouse as though they were the most important person in the room. 


This is the very reason Paul wrote these words.

Are you still struggling with this?

QUESTION - What if you were treated like the most important person in the room?


Look at verse 4 again - Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.


This is very hard for any of us to do. Because, we are only interested in what we are interested in!


We don’t see this when we are dating because we think we both have the same interests.

Over time we find out that no 2 people have the same interests. 

Interest - Subcategory - Sub- sub - Category     

Sports        Football        Football 24/7


Marriages that work are the marriages that figure this out and become proactive in becoming interested in the things their spouse is interested in.

Early on in a relationship interests are pursued. Later on if interests are not pursued then bad things can happen. ——- There could be a separation in the marriage where the one spouse finds another person who will take interest in their interests. This is not healthy for a relationship.

 We have to be proactive!


Our tendency is to look at this and immediately start making excuses as to why our marriage cannot work like this. We start to make excuses for our marriage complexities. We have to many distractions:

Illness my spouse/child is facing 

Loss of a loved one - still grieving

Guilt of an affair


Teen with issues

There are complexities in every marriage - Reality - You are not alone in your complexities. 

Move on to verse 5


Phil. 2:5

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:


Our attitude towards our spouse should be the same as Jesus’ attitude toward us.


Phil. 2:6

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,


Paul reminds us that when Jesus walked upon the Earth, He was the single most important person on the Earth.

He never considered his equality to God, never played the “I am God” Trump card.

We all have trump cards we can play - With our Spouses, Kids. coworkers

What Paul is telling us is that we should never play our Trump cards for our own selfish advantages.

Trump cards - Well the Kids have just been awful so I am allowed to act this way!

I make the most money

I am head of the household

I gave up everything for you


Trump cards can also be dark - 

I am bigger/stronger so I can over power you

I never cheated on you…

I can afford a better lawyer….


Paul tells us we are to treat others as Christ treats us.


Phil. 2:7-8

but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross!


Here’s what happened when Christ died on the cross…He put your interests above his own.


Sum up the last 4 weeks:


For 2 people to get married and make it - experience enduring love 

it is going to take 2 people to treat each other as the most important person in the room, at all times.

It is going to take 2 people to take interest in the other persons interest.

It is going to take 2 people who are unwilling to use their trump cards for the sake of personal gain and selfish desires.


Is it worth it? - Absolutely

Is it risky? - Absolutely

Are there any guarantees? Not at all!

How many people did Christ die for? 

How many of those people to you think have accepted his love and have reciprocated it back to him?

Do you think Jesus was overly concerned with any type of guarantee from the people he died for? Any guarantee that the people who love him back?

Paul tells us that our attitude should be that of Jesus Christ!


Where are you with this today? 

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